Real talk

Let's talk about STRUGGLES

     To say that my life has been interesting over the past 6-months would be a gross understatement. I spent my entire summer working as a summer missionary for Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF). I spent my days teaching bible stories, acting out memory verses, sharing the gospel and investing in children. I spent my summer serving God. 

     However, I also spent a majority of my summer going to funerals and comforting my loved ones as they struggled through their own trials. Perhaps the most difficult trial of the summer was dealing with the emotional pain of loosing the friendship of several people last semester. Overall my summer was marked by pain and disappointment.

     I would love nothing more than to say that through all of the trials I kept my gaze fixed on God, and was able to look past my temporary circumstances in order to see the eternal light at the end of the tunnel; however I wouldn’t want to lie on my blog. To be honest, I spent most of the summer questioning my faith. Although I know many modern Christian songs talk about God’s grace, peace and love being like an ocean that constant crashes over us, I didn’t feel like I was being surrounded by God; I felt more like I was drowning a sea of doubt, barely able to recover from one trial before another wave of suffering consumed me. 

   This summer, when trials hit, I often looked to the past for explanation.  I couldn’t see any possible purpose for the suffering, simply, because in the past I had been serving God whole-heartedly. After all, why would God want to do anything that would possibly deter my ministry?

     The problem was, that I was stuck looking on what lead up to the trials, rather than anticipating what would flow from it. 

This summer in particular I learned that many times it is more crucial to look at the effects of the trials than the cause. 

I know that I could not have become a better servant of God without those trials, because they made me realize why exactly I serve God. 

     It’s not because of the “just-world theory” of good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. If this were the case Jesus Christ would have never died on a cross, because He certainly didn’t deserve it. I think its easy to fall into this trap of thinking that serving God leads to good things, I think it is more important to see thatserving God leads to good attitudes, even in bad things. As I mentioned earlier, my attitude during my trials was terrible, but not I’m able to see what good it brought because I now understand why I serve God. 

  I serve God because it is the only natural way for me to express my love for Him.  I serve Him, not because it’s good for me, but because He is good to me. 

    While I may not always have my health, wealth, family or friends, I know that the very breath in my lungs is a gift from God, that I have done nothing to deserve. I follow His rules, not because they prevent trials from happening, but because I know that He has created those rules to protect and care for me. 

    Unfortunately, I had to make many things stripped away from my spiritual facade in order to discover what was truly behind my service. Now I know that I can serve God, not just when it’s good for me, but because I have confidence that it will only benefit me spiritually and eternally.