Enjoy the Journey

Life is often described as a journey, and I'm guessing that when most people hear this, they picture a nice paved road winding for miles and miles until it finally disappears into the horizon. I mean that's the type of life that Rascal Flatts sang about. However, being a big fan of hiking, and a Mainer at heart, I always like to imagine that life is more like a long dirt path cut through a chain of mountains.

(For all of my flatland friends I've included a picture of a mountain as a reference)

I hope my analogy isn't too much of stretch, and if you get the strong urge to go hiking after reading this post, I'll feel like my goal was accomplished either way.

When you stand at the base of the mountain, you have a very clear idea of where you need to get: the summit. It's similar in life, where we often have very clear goals marked out for us. In work its a promotion, in sports its a victory, in love its marriage, and in education its graduation. You work hard, knowing exactly what you are working towards. While it's good to have your goals in mind (mine are all posted above my desk) I think its also good to have the right perspective on these goals, and the right attitude as you go about obtaining them.

I've hiked with some people who crane their neck as they march along, needing to have the peak directly in their field of vision at all times. These people are the type who sprint through the trail, seeming to float over every boulder, mud puddle, and fallen tree. They always have their eye on the prize. They never stop to take a breather, despite the others (i.e. me) who are CLEARLY struggling. They do not let up. And while I always make it to the top very quickly when I hike with them, I rarely enjoy anything about the adventure. By the time I reach the top my lungs/quads/skin whole body is on fire, and I can barely enjoy the view because of my huffing and puffing. The worse part, is that by the time I finally catch my breath, we are on the move again, off to climb some other peak. To them anything other than forward movement is pointless.

I've lived life with people like this too. They are always running full speed ahead, rushing through to the upcoming deadline, final whistle or next diploma. They always want things done. If they aren't checking something else off of their to-do list, they aren't really doing anything productive. The problem isn't that they are highly-motivated, its that when they finally reach their goal, they don't take time to relish in the moment, and instead press on, hoping to reach the next peak before sunset. The only thing they feel towards their journey is annoyance because a long winding path lays between them and their goal. To these people, satisfaction is a fleeting feeling that quickly passes the second they eye the next summit. Every journey in life is the same because they pass by so fast: everything is a blur, then a glimmer of joy, then more blurriness as they start the next task.

Confession time: I have been one of these people. Early in my sports career, I always had my eyes on the prize, whether it be a banner for the gym, trophy for the case or highlight for the paper, I wanted it. I lived for the victory, and the "Sports Taylor" was terrible. I used to get myself in the mode where I didn't laugh at practice, I never took a break, and I especially didn't smile on game day. I overlooked hurting teammates, fallen opponents and kind fans. My eyes were on the scoreboard (figuratively), and I didn't dare let my gaze wander. When I look back on it now, honestly, I'm ashamed to think that many people's only interaction with me was when I was in this mindset. I had a one track mind, and it was always set on victory. When I'd finally win, I'd be happy for a moment, but would quickly begin dissecting the game in order to figure out what I could have done better. Victory wasn't enough, I couldn't be satisfied.

Thankfully, after a few tough loses (to people who would eventually become incredible friends) during soccer my sophomore year  I came to my senses and realized that if I only sought out satisfaction in victory, I would never find it. I had to learn to be satisfied in my journey.

I'm glad to say that I did eventually learn to enjoy the journey, just as much, if not more, than the result. I learned to find satisfaction in knowing that I had encouraged a teammate, helped an opponent and inspired a fan. I realized that practices were a great time to improve as a group, that bus trips could be a fun way to bond, and that opponents could easily become best friends. When I stopped focusing so much on the summit, and started searching for joy in the journey, I was constantly amazed at how easy it was to find it. 

You know North Face's motto is: Never stop exploring. I think that its a great motto, but due to copyright issues, I probably shouldn't make it my own personal motto. So after some deep thought, I've decided that from now on, I'll just:

I like to joke with my friends, that when I hike I always take three things: breaks, rabbit trails and pictures. I enjoy going off the beaten path (unless there are signs, or poison ivy, then I always stay on marked trails). I like to make sure that by the time I get the top, I've covered as much of the mountain as possible. I like to know that I saw every possible view and had my breath taken away at every possible chance. I like to know that if an opportunity to see something new came up, I took it. While getting to the top is super cool, I have come to appreciate the hikes where I never make it off of the river bank, the ones where all I do is explore, without ever reaching a clear "goal". I've come to enjoy every hike, even if I can't see a thing when I finally get to the top because the trees are overgrown. I've learned to simply enjoy the journey. 

I hope to live life the same way. I hope to take time for people, even when they aren't helping me "reach my goal." I hope to go out of my way to do an act of kindness. I hope to make someone smile, even when I know I'll never interact with them again. I want to take my eyes off of my goal for long enough to actually enjoy the process. I want to be satisfied no matter what level I'm at, simply because I'm going out of my way to find new paths, break new trails and uncover hidden gems. Sometimes I may not reach my next peak right when I thought I would, but I want to know that when I do reach it, I'll have the time and energy to appreciate it. I especially want to feel accomplished, even if I never make it to the top. I want to just enjoy my journey.

I earnestly pray that you find ways to enjoy your journey. Whether it's taking a break from studying to talk to a friend, stopping to point a lost individual in the right direction or smiling at the cashier as she hands you your change. When you stop focusing on the peaks of life, you start to realize that there are some pretty incredible things right where you are. 

Out of Tune

We live in a perfect world.

Wait, let me rephrase that: we live in a world that thinks its perfect. We live in a world full of people who daily hide their true identity in order to be more "perfect." We live in a world full of fakes, and the problem is that when you surround yourself with fakes for long enough, you start to forget that genuine people exist. When we spend so much time using others as our guides, we easily overlook their fallibility.

Think about it this way: I'm not very musical, but I have many friends who are very musical (it disgusts me really). Sometimes I watch them tune their instruments and hope to learn what's actually going on. I remember one time in particular when a friend struggled for several minutes to tune her guitar. She finally announced, "my tuner is broken." All along, I thought something was wrong with her skills, because she clearly could not make the tuner happy. In reality, because she knew what the instrument should have sounded like, she was able to tell when the guide was off. Because I had been basing the sound off of a broken model, I never noticed that anything was wrong. 

I think that most of society is using a broken tuner. 

Our guides are models, television characters and disney princesses. Of course they are perfect: they are scripted, edited and retouched into the ideal image. We live in a world that thinks the Kardashians are a "real" American family and that the Bachelor is about finding "true" love. We live in a world that easily confuses the real with the fake. On a personal level, people confuse who they are with who they think people want them to be. 

Luckily in this world full of fakes, there are some misfits who dare to stand out, who dare to be weird, who dare to be real. I'm proudly one of them.

I've made many important decisions in my life (where to go to school, when I should take certain classes and what type of ice cream I should get) but I think that the most important decision I have ever made, is the one that I make every day: Every morning, when I wake up, I choose to be real. I decide that rather than perfectly script my day in order to please the many people around me, I will let the real me show through, flaws and all. 

I'm not perfect. Actually, I'm far from. I say things that come across wrong. I have a talent for making a situation awkward. Most people would say that I get too excited. I laugh too loud. I love too much. I try too hard. But I think it's a perfectly "Taylor-ed" amount (Yes, I love puns). If I tried to change who I am just to please more people, I wouldn't be me, I would be the world's version of me. Instead, I am always me.

While I know that a quieter, calmer, and more passive Taylor would have more "friends," I also know that she would laugh less, smile less and stress more. She'd dream less, aspire less and sulk more. She wouldn't joke with cashiers at every store she goes to, wouldn't wave to someone she only met once, and she wouldn't go out of her way to love the unlovable. While it might not be the way most people want me to act, I can't hide who I really am. I don't live for the world. I live for Someone way more important and He thinks I'm pretty swell just the way I am.


I'll be honest, a lot of people don't like that. Many people don't even try to hide their disdain. Sometimes I feel like Taylor Swift's "Shake it off" is my theme song. But I'd rather be loved by a few than liked by many. I'd rather be real to the world, than fake to myself.

See You Later Alligator

This week was the week before I left for college. This week was a week of goodbyes.

There are some people that I cannot help but have a smile stretching from ear to ear as I say goodbye to them, because I know that the next time I see them, we’ll sprint full speed towards each other, and one of us will likely end up on the ground, while the other points and laughs hysterically. We'll hang on to each other a little longer than normal, and we'll be speechless with delight.

Even if I only get to see them for a couple hours, once a year, for the rest of my life, I know that it will be like we never left each other.

There will be no awkward pauses in the conversation, and when I finally look at my phone, I will probably realize that waaaay more time had passed than I had thought. I will also probably remember that I was supposed to be somewhere 20 minutes ago, but instead of sprinting out of the door, I will just put my phone down and keep chatting for even longer (not like this ever happened). I will make leaving awkward, and they are the ones that I hug and say bye to 10 times before we actually part ways. We can never run out of things to say, and usually we leave only to continue texting for 3 hours after. These guys are in it for the long haul. 

Overall, I realized that maybe our friendships wouldn’t look quite the same as they did when we lived minutes, rather than hours away, they were still by my side. I would still surprise them with visits, gifts and facetimes (and they would do the same). At college, when things got hard, they were still the ones I texted, called and wrote 5-page letters to. They were the ones I put in the effort to stay in touch with; the ones that I talked to when I should have been doing more “important” stuff like eating, sleeping or studying. They were my "text for 4-hours because I don't want to study for finals" friends. They are the ones that make my heart skip a beat every time I hear that they are in trouble, and with my friends that's pretty often. 

These are the forever friends.

On the other end, there are some people that I've hugged a little tighter, because I knew that as soon as I let go, our relationship would never be the same. Our story was a long one, but unfortunately I knew  that our story would end as we parted ways for college. It's like watching a sunset: you can enjoy it all you want and really soak it in, but you know that eventually it will sink into the hills and you will have to move on. They may have been a best-friend for a time, but they are not the type of best friend that will help you take on “the real world.” They are the ones that you will always see when you look in your review mirror, but never when you look in your passenger seat. 

No matter what, they shaped you into who you were, and someday they will probably be your answer to the security question “Childhood best friend.” And sure you may get together on breaks, but in the end you will sit by them on your couch, just like you had hundreds of times before, but this will be different. You will be speechless, and you will wonder what happened. It’s simple: sometimes when you take two people out of the same environment, you take them away from the only thing they ever really had in common.

It’s okay to not stay best friends with someone forever.

That won’t change all of the memories you've had with them. It won’t change all of the things in your life that they helped you fix. It won’t change the times you cried on their shoulder, laughed on their floor and sang in their car. Just because a friendship changes, doesn’t mean the memories are destroyed. If anything the memories will grow to mean more, just like you learn to appreciate something more when you know it is “limited edition.”

Sometimes I will get a random text from someone, and it will remind me that for a time we were really close, and even if we don’t still see each other, I know that we still think about each other. Even if I don’t intentionally try to keep them in my life, I know that there is no getting rid of them, and honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. They are the "see in the grocery store 10 years later and talk for an hour" type of friends. You'll always remember them fondly, until the day you can't remember anything anymore. In the scrapbook of life, they fill the first few pages. 

                                                                                              

Now before I start getting hate mail (okay I'm exaggerating) about how depressing this is, I just want to clarify that well, I didn’t lose all of my high school friends when I went to college. This blog isn't only about me, I write some from what I've experienced, some based on the things I see, and other stuff on what I get to help other friends through. While I did lose some pretty close friends when I went to college, I also strengthened what already existed.

If anything I learned who I really wanted to have in my life, so my friendships only got better, like pruning a shrub helps boost the quality of the living flowers. Some friendships grew stronger because we both went away, matured, and came to appreciate each other more.

"Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver, one is gold." 

The Storm of Life

For those of you that don't know, this week for work I was face painting at the fair. We have a cute little set-up with two tents: one giant white one for story-telling and one flimsy grey one for face-painting. I wasn't supposed to work after Monday, but on Thursday my boss asked me to go in today. I thought I was just going in for work, little did I know the adventure that awaited me.

As I listened to the radio on the way, I heard the severe weather warning, which obviously isn't the greatest for the fair. It's especially bad when you have to sit in a metal and plastic tent. I got to the fair about half an hour early, and pulled in right behind Hannah (the poor soul working with me all summer). We laughed at our perfect timing, and trudged over to our tents.  We barely had enough time to put down our stuff, when the skies opened and the wind began ripping through our tent.

As we opened the large tent, we noticed that it was leaking, like a lot. I reached up to try to pull it closed, but I realized that I had bitten off more than I could chew, because just then the large metal stakes began ripping out of the ground, the plastic guards began cracking, and the metal poles started bending. At this point, I was still holding on to the pole for dear life because I knew that if I let go the tent would fly. Hannah rushed over and we attempted to hold down our flying death trap.

As we held on, the wind picked up AGAIN and suddenly we started moving. Hannah shouted above the rain, "Either we let go, or we end up in the hospital." She was right, the tent wasn't worth more than our lives, so we let go and the tent started to roll down the medway. When it flipped over we thought it may be easier to control, so I tried to grab onto it again. At about this time a man saw us struggling (it was pretty obvious) and sent 3 boys over to help us hold down the tent. Hannah (clearly being the smarter out of the two of us) started grabbing all of the valuable stuff and moving it under cover. We somehow managed to wrangle the white tent over to a little shelter, and began to take it apart piece by piece. Talk about a rush. I was just getting my breath back, when I heard my phone quacking (yes, I have a duck ring tone). I tried to answer, but heard nothing. It happened 4 times. That's when I realized that somehow during our tent rescue mission my phone took on some water (It's currently chilling in a bag of rice).

The rain began pounding again, and the grey tent began to flail around. I didn't think much of it and let it be. But when an unsuspecting kid walked by, and almost got a tent leg to the face, I figured we should probably fix it. We rushed over and threw as much stuff as possible onto it to hold it down. When I say threw I mean THREW chairs, totes, tables, anything in arm's reach was holding down that grey tent. At this point, we were wet and we were cold. I really wanted, needed to fix that, so after the rain calmed down, we decided we to go to Wal-mart to get dry clothes and pick up a bag of rice. Before we made it there though, we got a little stuck in the mud, and well Daphné isn't a 4x4 so we got covered in mud as I spun out.

Eventually we made it to Wal-mart. I grabbed a basket and we basically sprinted to the rice aisle, talking about how we couldn't wait to buy dry clothes and flip-flops. I rounded the corner to the rice aisle, and stared blankly at the many option. I eventually settled on the cheapest one, and just as I dropped a bag of rice into my basket... it went black. Yup, Wal-mart (as well as 99% of Presque Isle) lost power. At this point I just dropped to the floor, half laughing and half-crying. We sat there for a while wondering how we got ourselves into this mess. We were kindly told to go up front by a Wal-mart worker, and we eventually made it out of Wal-mart empty handed and began our soaking wet trek back to the car. We even spotted a friend to take this picture. Clearly one of us was enjoying it a little more than the other.

So yeah, it was a bad day.

Actually if I am honest, it's been a bad week.

Scratch that, it was a bad month of July, and clearly this one wasn't off to a better start.

But, today I barely made it out of Presque Isle before the clouds broke and a beautiful blue sky brightened my day (literally). The gray sky rolled away, and the baby blue sky rolled in. My mood changed and I started to think about how funny the whole situation was. Today was a bad day, but it was also a great day filled with tons of laughter.

First off, what was I thinking trying to hold down the tent. Here I was, all 135 pounds of me, hanging on to the tent, which in the 60 mph winds was basically just a giant parachute. I think we all know how that would have ended. Second off, the grey tent looked like a dead spider all bent and flipped on its back. Third off, what are the chances of Wal-mart losing power. Seriously? That's just hilarious. Fourth off, did you see that hair? Apparently the dead rat look isn't my most becoming hair style.

It really got me thinking, maybe this week wasn't so terrible. I went night swimming with my friends, and starred up at the stars with my family. You know, my month hasn't been that bad. It's actually been pretty incredible. I've been tackled by 75 kids, I've gotten "lost" in the woods, and I've laughed until I've cried... several times. I've danced until I was exhausted, sang until I've lost my voice, and chased kids until I was sore. Yes, it's been a difficult month filled with funerals, wakes, sickness and sorrow. But it's also been an incredible month filled with joy, laughter, kid's hugs and ice cream.

As tough as it may be, today I'm choosing to see the roses hidden among the tangle of thorns. Today I'm choosing joy over disappointment, happiness over frustration, elation over pain. Today I'm telling life, "Yeah, you tried to knock me down, but I'm still breathing so you better bet I'm getting back up."